I’m 21 - young, occasionally wild and never free.
For the past four weeks, all that I come across magically turns into something that cuts. It’s like every corner of my body’s being intricately carved into pure blocks of marble, or uhm, patterns of heartless stones (if that would make me appear a little bit stronger).
It’s kind of ironic that I still feel miserable. I am vulnerable. Two weeks ago, I tried to contain myself by inviting some of my friends in a drinking and smoking session. I shared to them my recent miseries, assuming that I could solicit some aid and sympathy.
As straight as my face, they told me that I don’t need anyone. That I am not the kind of person who seeks someone else’s piece of advice. Right there, I did shut my mouth.
These are all on me, they said.
I am not as strong as they think I am. Not even as tough as I think I am.
Last week, I was ashamed at how I couldn’t give the most sincere effort to my parents (or to anyone) like my 7-year old cousin did to hers: She was holding this chicken drumstick that she had at Greenwich, wrapped it in tissue papers, and told me that she’d bring it home to her mom, dad and Kobe. I asked her who Kobe is, and she said it’s their fluffy puppy. I discouraged her by saying that they won’t eat what has already been bitten, and she replied with a smile on her face: No. Chicken’s my mom’s favorite. She would definitely love this and share it to dad, and the bone will be for Kobe.
God, all these years, I may have exerted big and small efforts for a lot of people — family, friends, enemies and even strangers. Perhaps, like this kid.
To a certain extent, most things I’ve done didn’t make me feel good about myself. I may have not noticed it, but I think I have lived my life pleasing other people and forgetting what I truly wanted since then. Trust me, this isn’t getting any better.
I thought I am the Alien (one who does things one’s own way) that West was talking about on Heroes’ S02E01.
I am, in truth, the Robot who does as I am told.
Bad ka tita ha!😂
"My life in subtitles.">>
never trust a person who talks to their pets in their normal voice
the next time he
points out the
hair on your legs is
growing back remind
that boy your body
is not his home
he is a guest.
warn him to
First ever paid concert that I’d be watching. Ugh I can’t fucking wait! #Anberlin!>>
Walls of one of my favorite spots in Maginhawa.>>
Boy what have you done
You never were supposed to be
All that I crave in one
The hollow of your eyes
The stubble of your cheeks
The moles on your temples
The bridge of your nose
The cracks in your lips
The ecstasy in your skin
The lucid consumption of daylight
As I crumble to breathe you in
The tangled sheets between us
Your hair in the spaces of my tips
The dancing cruel bright of morning
The skin I crave, your careful lips
Boy what have you done
My careless heart
Is on the run
Watching You - The Keeprights>>